hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
