You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
