so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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