im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
