omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
my liver is dry heaving
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
