There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
