Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
