hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
