call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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