And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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