just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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