@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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