summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
