why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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