dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
