Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
