I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
