i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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