my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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