I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
