my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
