Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
