Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
