I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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