So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
