Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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