Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
