so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
