All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I think i peed on brittanys purse
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Come back. Shots need mouths.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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