Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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