yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
