i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
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