Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
