why didn't you poke me back
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
