Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
