the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
