She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
And then my night got REAL pukey
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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