He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
