FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
