It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
so much tequila, so little girl.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
