so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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