friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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