Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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