Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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