That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
