I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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