get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
