forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Even my vagina gasped.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
