I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
