The maid of honor just puked.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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